Being lonely in 2016.

Let me put this blog into a different perspective. I want ask myself a few basic questions and answer it to the best of my knowledge. It makes much more sense that way I guess.

Firstly, Why am I alone? I am alone because my flatmates are not home. Fabian and his friends are hitchhiking through France. Anna is shifting to a new apartment in Freiburg, and is not here since the past  2 weeks. Georg is somewhere in Berlin – having fun – gone for over a month now. Yuting is shifting back to China cos she’s doing her internship there. And me – I’m alone in the apartment – sometimes staring out the window, trying my hand at cooking, overeating, biking to unexplored parts of Freiburg, reading etc.

I could also go to some place outside Freiburg and do a solo trip and everything, but my financial situation doesn’t permit such an extravagant vacation plan. My exams got over by Aug 15 2016 and I have to move to Strasbourg for my internship starting mid September. All of us (flatmates) had agreed to have one last party before we move in different directions. But yeah, that won’t happen any time soon, cos its just a few more days till Aug 31 – the date I am supposed to move out from my current apartment. I can’t do the planning online as my flatmates are “environmentally aware” and leads an austere life, and so doesn’t use a phone that allows connectivity to the internet. I really love this aspect about them. They are younger than me by 1 or 2 years, but their level of thinking and concern for nature, peace, or the whole world in general is astounding. Probably this is what studying or growing up in a developed country really means. Once we think beyond the money, GDP and deficits, this is what it really means to be developed. And I admire that in them. I’m digressing.

How does it feel to be alone? Well, it feels really bad. Especially with the soaring temperatures here in Freiburg. Freiburg is called the hottest city in Germany! And germans don’t give away such stature for fun – The weather statistics from the past 25 years tells that the hottest months of the year are July and August. The temperatures have previously gone up to a friggin 40C with high UV index (and heatwaves). This is one reason I don’t want to go out. It’s so hot. And so I am forced to stay inside and spend my time doing stuff mentioned before. The thing is that the only human contact that I have had for the past few weeks is with the cashier lady at the supermarket – The conversations we have are kind of, well, short. It begins with a ‘Hi’, which she reiterates, and then she asks if I have a discount card – to which I reply ‘No’, and then she asks ‘Do you need the bill (in german)‘ – and I reply with a wholehearted ‘Yes’. We wish each other a good day and say Tschuess. And this happens only once a week – cos I don’t go shopping every day. But I wish I could. So that I can sustain this tiny bit of human contact.

What else could I possibly do? I could go out and talk to my neighbours. I could go out in the street and wish random people (quite common in Germany). I could review my internship topic. I could go running everyday with my new shoes. I could bike for 25-30kms everyday. I could do all these, but I don’t want to do it. Right now, I am on a force fed vacation. I am skipping all productive activities on my list, and is just doing the sleeping eating repeat cycle. This post is one major step to exit this vicious circle.

 

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